“He who everyday is not conquering some fear, has not learnt the secret of life” Ralph Waldo Emerson
As human beings, we face fear on a daily basis, whether that be real or imaginary fear. It is part of the human condition. So for us to make progress, we must learn to deal with fear correctly and master it. If fear is left unchecked, it can have a debilitating effect on us, hampering us from making progress towards our goals. However, if we learn to deal with it correctly, it can enable us not only to survive, but to thrive. So for us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should gain and sharpen the quality or character of dealing with fear appropriately to ensure we thrive in whatever activities we engage in.
We need to find ways of understanding the fear that assails us and learn how to react or how to deal with it. As the Russian proverb says “fear the goat from the front, the horse from the rear, and man from all sides”, we cannot deal with the objects or sources of our fear the same way.
“He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat” Napoleon Bonaparte
It is therefore important that we understand fear. Some scholars have put together categories of fear.
There are three basic types of fear. Rational fear, primal fear and irrational fear.
Rational fear – this happens when there is real, actual or imminent danger. For instance when someone brandishes a gun at you or you fall and slide towards a cliff or the edge of a roof on a tall building.
Primal fear – this is natural fear, it is fear that is programmed into our brains. It comes with the package if you may. It is such fear as fear of other creatures like snakes, scorpions, spiders etc. It helps us survive by ensuring we stay away from such creatures that can kill us.
Irrational fear – these are fears that do not make logical sense. They vary from person to person. These are fears such as the fear of shadows, fear of clowns, fear of falling asleep, fear of bathing.
Dr Karl Albrecht has described 5 categories of fear out of which he says all other fears come from or fall into as follows:
- Extinction—the fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist. This is a more fundamental way to express it than just fear of death. The idea of no longer being arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.
- Mutilation—the fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body’s boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. Anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.
- Loss of Autonomy—the fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or otherwise controlled by circumstances beyond our control. In physical form, it’s commonly known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to our social interactions and relationships.
- Separation—the fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness; of becoming a non-person—not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The “silent treatment,” when imposed by a group, can have a devastating effect on its target.
- Ego-death—the fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the self; the fear of the shattering or disintegration of one’s constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.
Dr. Albrecht says that “When we let go of our notion of fear as the welling up of evil forces within us and begin to see fear and its companion emotions as information, we can think about them consciously. And the more clearly and calmly we can articulate the origins of the fear, the less our fears will frighten us and control us.” So when we understand that fear is information or feedback to us, and understand it’s source, we are in a better position to control it and not let it overrun us.
There is this story told of a young buffalo and his father. One day, a young buffalo approached his dad and asked him if there was anything that he should be afraid of.
“Only lions my son,” his dad responded.
“Oh yes, I’ve heard about lions. If I ever see one, I’ll turn and run as fast as I can,” said the young buffalo.
“No, that’s the worst thing you can do,” said the large male.
“Why? They are scary and will try to kill me.”
The dad smiled and explained, “Son, if you run away, the lions will chase you and catch you. And when they do, they will jump on your unprotected back and bring you down.”
“So what should I do?” asked the young buffalo.
“If you ever see a lion, stand your ground to show him that you’re not afraid. If he doesn’t move away, show him your sharp horns and stomp the ground with your hooves. If that doesn’t work, move slowly towards him. If that doesn’t work, charge him and hit him with everything you’ve got!”
“That’s crazy, I’ll be too scared to do that. What if he attacks me back?” said the startled young buffalo.
“Look around, son. What do you see?”
The young buffalo looked around at the rest of his herd. There were about 200 massive beasts all armed with sharp horns and huge shoulders.
“If ever you’re afraid, know that we are here. If you panic and run from your fears, we can’t save you, but if you charge towards them, we’ll be right behind you.”
The young buffalo breathed deeply and nodded.
“Thanks dad, I think I understand.”
The fears we face daily are like the lion or lions that the buffalo in this story encounters. When we encounter fear, we have a choice to make, either to run or to face the fear. There are things we face in our lives that scare us, they make us want to run. However, if we run, they are bound to dominate us. They capture our thoughts, make our actions to be weak and cautious, then we end up not achieving our full potential.
Having said all that, it is important to note that fear is useful. Just like any human quality or behaviour it is either over indulging in fear or not having fear at all that can bring us down. Gavin de Becker in his book The Gift of Fear has enumerated the useful aspects of fear and how necessary it is for our survival. He says that we can be able to pick signs of danger ahead of an event through intuition. By following our intuition and instincts, we can act to avoid the danger. He says that there are apparent signs that are present before some dangerous event occurs, such as a violent attack that is carried out by a person. The signs could range from body language of the person to objects, tools or the general environment of the place the act would occur. If these signs are observed and acted upon, then danger can be averted. So in essence, fear is a gift, a mechanism, that if we learn to listen to it and act appropriately, without haste, we can stay safe. However, he also points to the other extreme where due to overexposure to fear, say in cases such as an abusive relationship, someone may become dull to the natural fear instinct such that they may not recognize danger and seek help. They become addicted to the highs and lows that happen in an abusive relationship. The relief that comes when the violence ends is so profound that it creates an emotional high that is more intense than usual happiness.
So how do you usually deal with fear in your life? What are some things you are currently afraid of and are you utilizing the fear appropriately or is it overriding you?
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we must learn to treat fear right, to heed the warnings that arise from it, take appropriate action, but not to be overwhelmed by fear to a point of dullness, despair or inaction.
Some writers have indicated that there are over 365 references in the scriptures where God tells us not to be afraid. This is an important reminder that God gives us, that we should not be afraid, but take courage to do whatever is before us to accomplish. Dealing with fear is a daily affair but the more skilled we are in mastering fear, the more inspired and harmonious life we will lead.
In conclusion, there is a Moorish proverb that says “He who fears something, gives it power over him.” Let us not lose power through fear but rather treat it appropriately as a source of information to inspire our action towards accomplishing the goals we have and attaining our full potential.
